I had a house full of company and a belly full of rich foods. After spending over 6 hours in the kitchen with a brief dinner break, I was ready to put my feet up in the solitude of my (messy) room. It was only 8 pm but it had been dark outside for hours. I began watching a show on my phone—I was proud of myself for finding a good historical drama and avoiding material that was salacious or inane.
Five hours later, I watched on. My eyes burned. I knew I had to rise early for church the next day, but, nevertheless, I watched on.
At one point, even though I had consumed an obscene amount of calories that day, I snuck into the kitchen and crammed a few cold rolls, slathered with honey butter, into my mouth, chasing it down with a large spoon of whipped cream.
Where do we turn to look for consolation?
I don’t know about you but the days of winter, whether in the thick of the holidays or in the isolating days that follow, I can find myself feeling lonely, restless, and unmotivated. Add any kind of physical or emotional complication and the situation worsens.
So often we human beings turn to our phones or other screens to escape and find the “more” we are yearning for, but, unless we watch, play, or scroll in moderation, we find the opposite of what we are looking for. We find what St. Ignatius calls desolation.
Ignatius lived in the 16th century and in his autobiography, he shares a life-changing spiritual insight, given to him by God, which has helped myriads of Catholics understand what spiritual warfare is and how to fight temptation.
When Ignatius, a soldier, was recovering from an operation, he read, thought about, and imagined stories of heroism and romance:
When he was thinking about the things of the world, he found much delight in them. But afterwards, when he was tired and put them aside, he found that he was dry and discontented.
On the other hand, when the young Ignatius thought about heroic Christian behavior and imitating the lives of the saints, he was left feeling “content and happy.” (He refers to this as consolation.)
I can picture a modern-day Ignatius, the darkness and cold of winter hemming him in, his aching leg propped up on a pillow, binge-watching Netflix and falling into a troubled sleep with brownie crumbs all up in his beard. He wakes the next morning with a vague sense of shame and a need for strong coffee. Conversely, I can picture him choosing instead to pray the rosary, have a friendly conversation with his dad on the phone, and read a bit before falling asleep at a reasonable hour. The next morning, he wakes with a desire to talk to God and a healthy appetite for healthy food. In the former scenario, he invites “desolation.” In the latter, he experiences “consolation.”
[This is an incomplete picture of what desolation and consolation are. If you would like to read further on the subject, I recommend The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living by Father Timothy Gallagher.]
3 Ways We Can Find the “More” We Are Looking For
Sometimes, when we are in the mood to relax with our screens, the last thing we want to do is pray. After all, if we pray, our consciences may ruin all our fun! But as disciples of Christ, we must stop avoiding prayer. Praying about our temptations will help us stay more sensitive to God’s will, even if we still spend too long with our screens. Prayer will help us admit that we sometimes hide from our loving Father. Just a bit. That there are moments in which we aren’t really interested in doing his will.
Even though I still hide from my Father more than I would like to admit, here are 3 ways I fight temptation when I approach screen time. Maybe you will find them helpful:
- Look at Jesus. Before you start watching something or pick up your phone, stand in front of a crucifix, even if it is just for a moment and even if you feel like you are just “going through the motions.” Look at Jesus and tell him you love him. Tell him how you feel (sad, bored, overwhelmed, lonely, etc.), and tell him what you plan to do for entertainment and relaxation. If it is not sinful, go ahead and do what you were planning to do.
- Periodically check in. When you need to take a bathroom break or get a drink, say the name of Jesus several times. Or during advertisements, mute your show and pray a slow, careful Our Father or Hail Mary.
- Practice. According to St. Ignatius, we should prepare for moments of desolation when we are experiencing strength and conviction (consolation). One way we can do this is by practicing what we will do when we next turn to our phones or streaming service to relax. We can use our imaginations to practice the proper use of screen time.
Here is an example of something I may say to myself as, in my mind, I walk through an imagined scenario step-by-step: “This has been a long day, and I have accomplished a lot. I am tired and yet I don’t want to go to sleep or do any chores. I am going to say a little prayer and discern how long I should watch my show. Then I will set the timer for that amount of time. When that timer goes off, I am going to stop screen time and brush my teeth. If I am tempted to return to my screen, I will fight this temptation by reading a chapter of the gospel of John. When the time comes to stop watching my show, I may find it difficult, but if I want to grow closer to God, these are the little steps I must take. My Father in Heaven will do the rest.”
Simple practices like these may seem futile or silly, but they are powerful. It is all too easy to hide from our Heavenly Father and almost forget that the habits we have come to rely on are harming us and our relationships.
As a mom, I remember making chocolate chip cookies and leaving them to cool on the counter. When I turned my back for a moment, my three-year-old and four-year-old sons grabbed a cookie in each hand and ran to crouch behind the sofa while stuffing the treats into their mouths before their budding consciences could convince them they were being naughty. Yeah, far too often, that’s us. Let’s not hide from our Father, but bravely admit what we are doing, even if we can’t yet fully overcome it. The means to grow in virtue and fight temptation are simple and within our grasp if only we will do them.
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Image: Unsplash
