Editor’s note: Read part 1 here, part 2 here and part 3 here.
To conclude our discussion regarding the solitude of the heart, there is one important question that we must answer: How do we do it? In other words, how do we enter more deeply into this solitude of the heart?
Throughout the history of Christianity, many wise and holy men and women have left us ample and thorough teachings about how to enter the solitude of one’s heart. The Eastern Church emphasizes the Jesus prayer, whereas Western monasticism focuses on the daily practice of Lectio Divina, while other schools of spirituality highlight other practices such as fasting, discernment of spirits, and Marian devotion. Of course, all these spiritual practices are important and necessary; however, for our purposes here, I would like to mention one that, in my opinion, is not only the most important but also the most neglected. That is, the practice of solitary prayer.
By solitary prayer, I simply mean taking time each day to be alone with God, whether that be for 5 minutes, 30 minutes, or several hours each day. This can take place in a church, in one’s prayer corner in their home or apartment, or in some quiet place in nature. Regardless of how long this solitary prayer is each day and where it occurs, the common characteristic of solitary prayer is that a person is seeking to be alone with God. There is no other agenda than this. To be alone with God more deeply, a person may pray a few decades of the rosary, read a passage from the Bible, or maybe journal in dialogue fashion with the Lord. One thing, however, we don’t want to do in solitary prayer is approach this sacred time and space with a spiritual to do list, meaning with a list of spiritual activities that I believe I must complete. Rather, we want to approach solitary prayer with an open heart, a willingness to be led by the Holy Spirit, and a desire to love God more deeply and to simply be with him. If we approach the time for solitary prayer and our hearts are already aflame with the love of God, nothing else may be necessary, since love alone is sufficient.
Many saints and teachers of spirituality indicate that a sign a person is really growing in their relationship with God is when they begin to seek out times for solitary prayer. For example, someone on their lunch break goes and visits a church for a few minutes simply for a time of silence and to be alone with God. Another example could be someone in religious life who goes to the chapel or seeks out another quiet place when it is not an official prayer time. In solitary prayer we are more concerned with quality than quantity. Most people, even monks and nuns, do not have hours every day for solitary prayer; however, most people have 10, 20, or 30 minutes a day where they could spend time alone with God in solitary prayer.
I have become convinced that holiness is impossible without some degree of solitary prayer in one’s life. One of the main reasons for this is because solitary prayer and lukewarmness cannot exist together; one of them will overpower the other. If I am lukewarm in my relationship with God, the possibility of me spending time in solitary prayer is greatly reduced. On the contrary, if I’m spending time in solitary prayer daily, the possibility of me being lukewarm in my relationship with God decreases greatly.
Solitary prayer and lukewarmness cannot exist together.
Furthermore, communal and liturgical prayer are deeply important and necessary for growth in the spiritual life; however, the danger involved in these types of prayer is that one can begin to just “coast along” in them, especially if one lives and prays in a community of some degree. Though it is true that both communal and liturgical prayer can help a person stay afloat spiritually, they can also lead a person to zone out and merely go through the motions. It is solitary prayer that launches us out into the deep and enables us to interiorize both communal and liturgical prayer more fully, thereby becoming the means by which we enter this solitude of the heart more easily.
Despite its importance and even how attractive solitary prayer may sound, we must not assume that it is easy and that every day I will be able to do it without any difficulty. Many people run away from solitary prayer at times, yet in my experience, the difference between a soul that is truly on fire and growing in genuine holiness, as opposed to a soul who is just coasting along, is the quality of solitary prayer that is present in their life. After the sacraments and the liturgical life of the Church, solitary prayer should be our greatest joy and something we look forward to each day, and only skip when it is impossible. Why should it be our greatest joy? Because for a few moments, we simply get to be alone with God!
In conclusion, what I have noticed from directing so many people on retreat is that it is this solitary prayer that is only the secret of the retreat, but really is the secret of life, because it leads people into the solitude of their hearts. What occurs there is a deepening experience of God that leads to a profound transformation in their lives. The challenge that occurs after a retreat is to continue in solitary prayer to the extent in which their vocation and life circumstances allow them to. To the degree that they do and root themselves more deeply in this solitude of the heart, they will come to know God more intimately, which is not only what each one of us ultimately desires, but it is what God desires of us as well.
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