One of the greatest joys I experience as a spiritual director is the privilege of guiding a person on an individual retreat. Over the years, I have directed hundreds of people on these retreats, ranging from 3 days to 30 days. On such a retreat, one usually spends 3-5 hours in solitary prayer each day and then meets with the director, in this case me, once a day to discuss their prayer and anything else the retreatant deems important regarding their relationship with God.
A few days before their retreat begins, I usually meet with the retreatant either in person or over the phone and assign them some homework. The homework is very easy. I ask them to pray with this question, “Where are you?” from Genesis 3:9. This is the first question that God asks us in the Bible. The context for this question, the beginning of Genesis 3, recounts the Fall of Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve have been seduced by the serpent and have eaten from the tree that God had forbidden them to eat from. Once Adam and Eve sin by disobeying God’s command, they become aware of each other’s nakedness and attempt to hide themselves from the presence of the Lord God” (Genesis 3:8). Interestingly, and somewhat comically, the Lord asks them, “Where are you?” Of course, God has not lost sight of Adam and Eve. Rather, they have lost sight of God, and by consequence have lost sight of themselves and their whole purpose in life. Hence, this question, “Where are you?” is meant to remind Adam and Eve of this and call them back to God.
Each one of us, to some degree, is hiding from God. I have never known or met a person, especially myself, who lives in perfect receptivity to God and possesses the fullness of faith, hope, and love that are required for union with God to occur. Therefore, when a person begins a directed retreat, at least with me, we begin by becoming aware of where one might be hiding from God in their lives, or at least where God may be desiring greater attention and space. The sole purpose of this exercise is not to make a person feel guilty or ashamed, but rather it is to help one wake up more deeply to the presence of God and willingly invite him into those areas of our lives where we may be keeping him at a distance.
To help a retreatant discover, “Where are you?” I recommend several Bible passages for them to pray with. One of them is Matthew 11:25-30, where Jesus utters these beautiful words: “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves” (Matthew 11:28-29). In all my years of guiding directed retreats for individuals, I would estimate that I have heard over 500 people respond to this passage. Interestingly, almost none of those responses are neutral. For some, the words of Jesus in this passage are consoling and cause great joy in a soul, while for others, Jesus’ words can be confusing and even frustrating.
What I have found so interesting is that over the course of a retreat, regardless of how long that retreat is, one’s initial response to this passage deepens within a person. For example, if this passage was consoling, the deepening that occurs is not necessarily more consolation or a greater sensory experience of God, but very often a greater desire to love God and a greater receptivity to receive his love begins to occur. If this passage was confusing or frustrating for a person, very often, even if the confusion and frustration don’t lift, a greater trust and a deeper surrender begin to occur within the person.
What happens then over the course of a retreat that facilitates such a mysterious response? To put it simply: a lot! Primarily, what occurs is that through the hours of solitary prayer, a person enters the very heart of this passage, “Come to me…for rest.” In other words, what occurs is not that a person forgets or ignores their problems, sufferings, or the external realities of their life, but rather they begin to go through them. They do this by bringing themselves more completely, humbly, and honestly before Jesus. This is, of course, something we should be doing in our daily lives as well; however, the nature and space of a retreat typically allow this to occur more quickly.
Most of the time, what a person begins to touch and taste in this experience is a place in their heart, a certain depth, where only God dwells. It is a place where external realities and even their sufferings cannot enter. They encounter this space of solitude within their heart that is reserved for God alone, and where God desires to be with them alone. It is here in this “solitude of the heart” that they ultimately experience their real vocation and consequently their real life, which is primarily intimacy and union with God. It is here then, in this solitude of the heart, where they encounter the living God most deeply, most purely, and most authentically.
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