I realize better every day what grace our Lord has shown me in enabling me to understand the blessings of suffering so that I can peacefully endure the want of happiness in earthly things since they pass so quickly. You must know that I was arranging to spend this summer either at Avila or Valladolid when we received a visit from Father Gracian. He is now Provincial of Andalusia by commission of the Nuncio, who appointed him to this office after the Counterbrief. . . . He has such fine qualities and is a man of such mark that I should be glad if he went to pay his respects to you, so that I might be sure I am not mistaken in my opinion of him. He is anxious to do so since I told him how you have always protected the Order. It is a great consolation to me to know that we have so good a religious.

We shall leave for Seville on the Monday of next week. It is fifty leagues off. I do not think that Father Gracian would have forced me to undertake this work, but his mind was so set on it that, unless I consented, I should feel very scrupulous about being wanting in obedience, as I always strive to obey strictly. It costs me dear, nor am I very desirous of going through this scorching heat to pass the summer in Seville: God grant it may render Him service! The rest matters little. I beg for your Lordship’s blessing; do not forget to pray for me.

True Christian obedience is never a mechanical response to a command imposed from the outside, purely extrinsic to the interior truth of one’s own being. Instead, obedience is a deep vulnerability to the Lord’s loving presence who whispers in the ear of our heart. What is whispered is always a blessing, and when whispered in hardship, the fruit of patient endurance is born.

Teresa understood that God uses those with spiritual authority in our lives to help us attend to this whisper. There is always a danger of conflating God’s whisper with the noise of our own thoughts. In the Church, Christ has given us one another to protect us from this conflation. We learn what to do in order to say yes to the Lord through people He places over us, even when they make mistakes and cause us to face difficult trials.

Any painful difficulty that we face in obedience to God must be distinguished from suffering brought on for lack of obedience. There are, for example, efforts to escape suffering that rob the heart of its dignity and steal away all courage. We see these effects of selfish escapism in the abuse of drugs, alcohol, food, internet pornography, or relationships. Such webs of sin only limit our freedom to love and bind us from receiving vital blessings. In many ways, such misery is far more severe, dismal, and long lasting than the original suffering we refused to accept.

Such abuses of freedom are incredibly difficult to escape even when a pilgrim finally sees the light. The sense of inadequacy, failure, and shame actually work against the effort to turn to God. When faced with such trials, it is good to remember that patient prayer which obediently trusts in Divine Mercy turns even the burden of sin and shame into a discovery of God’s blessing.

His grace is enough for us. Ongoing prayerful acceptance of the loving work of the divine surgeon makes possible a renewed commitment to sobriety and self-discipline every day. This is why, in the difficult daily renunciations and other bitter struggles that recovery requires, there are unique and tender blessings awaiting even the worst of addicts.