“…With regard to prayer, if you cannot put in that much time, it is not important. He always prays who does what is right. Attend to the work for your household, and in that way you will do your duty, keeping yourself attentive to God and frequently plunging your spirit into the immense sea of divine love….As for penances, for now be content with what God gives you. These are infinitely better than those we take on ourselves. In prayer occupy yourself with the mysteries of the holy life, passion, and death of Jesus; but if your soul relishes being alone with God in a humble, holy, and loving rest, let it remain thus.” -St. Paul of the Cross, Letter 160
“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance for you serve the Lord Christ.” – Colossians 3:23-24
“Never worry when duties of love call you away from prayer; It will only increase your prayer life.” -Dr. Anthony Lilles
St. Paul of the Cross wisely counsels the soul who lives in the world and has a family not to worry over not having much time to pray, but, instead, to know and understand that in this season of life, when it is impossible to spend much time in the place of prayer, the work that he does in taking care of his family—his duty of love—is itself prayer. Certain seasons of life require much of our time. The important thing to remember in these times is that God understands our season and thus reckons our work as unto Him as prayer.
God understands our season and thus reckons our work as unto Him as prayer.
When my children were babies and toddlers, my prayer consisted of: “God, I wish that I could pray.” Indeed, that was my prayer day in and day out as I served my family and addressed their needs. My spiritual life did not feel vibrant but desperate. I was exhausted, sleep deprived, and in survival mode much of the time. The feeling of failure of having any kind of a life in God ensued. I could not understand this season. I wanted desperately to pray and have a life in God, but it seemed impossible.
Looking back on these times, I have a little insight as to what God was doing in such difficult seasons of life. First, I came to realize that He was not disappointed, and secondly, that He understands. What is God doing in these seasons? One thing He is doing is working into our being a deep longing for Him. When it seems that our Beloved is out of reach, He is not distant, angry, disappointed, or upset with us at not finding the time to be with Him. He is loving and understanding. He is actually doing a deep work in this season that seems void of Him. He is producing a longing for Him that is a deep well that one day will become a flowing fountain.
With five children spread out over fifteen years, it seemed as though I would never have a prayer life. Out of this season, some desperate measures of love did happen: at times, giving up sleep to pray all night trusting Him for energy to be a mom the next day, or giving up food to seek God in fasting as much as I could do when I wasn’t nursing a baby. Desperate measures are a love story happening and God honors those seemingly feeble and sometimes heroic moves toward Him. However, most days were long and mundane with little time to pray. Who would think that fruitfulness could come from this? Yet, the fruitfulness of a longing heart increasing day in and day out is impossible to measure. When the season shifted, and opportunity arose to spend time in prayer, nothing else held sway over that desire. The yearning for Him had become my chief desire—a desire that was birthed in the desert and grew into a torrent of love.
He gives the desire of the heart when the only desire is Him alone and that longing fulfilled is the ultimate love story. The dark nights of the soul and the spirit play themselves out and the subsequent union with God is an indescribable reality that knows no bounds and the depths have no end. Oh, the wisdom of the Lord to increase longing over many years to bring about His work in the soul that produces such intimacy with Him!
Prayer:
Dear Jesus, let every person in the season of high demands of serving be brought to peace in their soul that You are in this season and producing something so deep that it cannot be cut short or compromised for it to produce the full weight of glory that it is meant to produce. Let each soul in this difficult season take courage and persevere by loving You in the midst of all the work, all the serving, all the giving of self that seems never-ending. Encourage their hearts! You hold them with such tenderness. Amen
For Meditation:
Consider your current season. How is God working in you to produce intimacy with Him? Do you long to spend time alone with God in prayer?
The Climb
How sad I am
How will I ever find
My way in this darkness?
The path is so arduous
You are my only Guide
And without You
I don’t know the way
The journey is so long
And I am but a snail
At a snail’s pace
How will I ever get there?
Please God, do a miracle
And transform this lowly
Body into one that can fly
Up to the top and
In a moment united with You
Then we can run and skip
On the mountains
We can fly together as
One with ease
Holy One please
Overshadow me
Come upon me
Overwhelm me
Make me Your own
Unite me with Yourself
Never leave me again
Make me Your
Dwelling
Make me Your
Beloved
Lift me from the snail’s pace and
Breathe on me new life
Otherwise I will never
Get to the summit
I will die on this dark mountain
Without You coming for me
I can’t make it
I need You
Come my Love
My Life
Please Come
___________________________________________________
This post is taken from the new book, Meditations on the Letters of Saint Paul of the Cross by Amy Knight, available to order here.
Image: Depositphotos.
