I have been in religious life for 22 years. During that time, as with any vocation, there are many things that I am grateful to God for, however there are also a few regrets that I have acquired over the years as well. One of those regrets, and by the far the greatest, is that I spent the first 15 years of my vocation thinking, praying, and even acting as if Mary was important. During the first 15 years of my vocation in religious life, and even a few years before I entered religious life, I prayed the rosary and Angelus every day. Once I became a Franciscan, I officially consecrated myself to Mary before I became a novice and then renewed that consecration before final vows and ordination to the priesthood. I always honored Mary on her special feast days, especially the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and the Assumption and I always encouraged people to pray to Mary and to trust in her motherly guidance. When I encountered people who were “anti-Mary” or suspicious of her, I always defended her with zeal and passion.
After reading the paragraph above one might conclude that my love for Mary and therefore my Marian devotion was not only good, but exceptional. And it was, at least exteriorly. I contained all the exterior elements of a vibrant Marian life, however there was something missing. What was missing was my heart, because for the most part, I was merely going through the motions of Marian devotion.
In retrospect, it was almost as if I had Mary on a shelf. I would take her down occasionally to look at her, show her to others, speak about her, and even admire her, but then I would put her back on the shelf and continue with my vocation in religious life, with Mary in the other room. My relationship with Mary was essentially part-time and therefore one that I was not committed to, at least fully. It is important to mention that I had no problems with Mary theologically, spiritually, or personally. I genuinely loved Mary and knew she was important. However, I believe that was exactly the problem; I only knew and believed she was important.
About 10 years ago, through absolutely no merit of my own, I came to realize that Mary is not just important. Rather, she is absolutely necessary and that without her, regardless of how much I pray, fast, or how many good works I do, I will always be an immature disciple. Without Mary, I realized, both my spiritual life and my vocation will never reach their full potential. In our life here in this world each one of us needs a mother to give us life, nurture us and form us. If for whatever reason we are denied this essential relationship in life, the absence of a mother will affect us psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. What is true for us in our natural life in this world, is also true regarding our relationship with God: we need a mother to give us life, nurture us and form us. If we don’t have one, i.e., if Mary is merely an occasional thought in our spiritual life, our relationship with God will suffer and not become what it is meant to.
Throughout my life a few people, most of whom were very sincere, have asked me “Why do I need Mary when I can go directly to Jesus?” This question always causes me a great deal of pain because whether they realize it or not what they are essentially asking is, “Why do I need a mother?” The answer to that question is simple; because it is God’s will. It is God’s will that his mother give us life, form us and nurture us as evidenced in Jesus’ last words from the cross, “Behold, thy mother” (John 19:27).
Mary, I am convinced, is the great secret of God and therefore the great secret of the spiritual life. St. Maximillian Kolbe once wrote that “Devotion to the Immaculata is a secret many people are not yet familiar with; or rather they know it and practice it only superficially, whereas, by the will of God, it is the substance of all holiness.”[1] Of course, Mary is not meant to be a secret, nor is she meant to be kept a secret. The reason I refer to Mary as the great secret of God is because it seems that few people really know her, speak about her and realize the absolute necessity she is for one’s relationship with God. Perhaps then this is one of the reasons why holiness is so rare, because Mary is so often ignored, or at best, kept in a room for only special occasions.
[1] The Writings of St. Maximillian Kolbe #687
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