“I went to spiritual direction a few times. But the director didn’t tell me what to do.”
“I read a few commentaries each morning after daily Mass and then pray the rosary. I listen to Catholic podcasts and read spiritual books all the time. I don’t have time for spiritual direction.”
“What is the purpose of having a spiritual director for me? I have already decided my vocation in life and I am living it out. I serve in a few ministries; I am the person my colleagues come to at work when they need someone to listen; I take care of my family; I go to Mass and confession regularly. What more do I need? “
I have had a few conversations that began with comments similar to the ones above about spiritual direction. Often, people hear about this person who can help them in their spiritual life and decide to learn more about what it means to have a spiritual director. How does it help faithful Catholics deepen their love, knowledge, and faith in God?
Many types of faithful people come to spiritual direction. One person is at the beginning of her spiritual adventure of growing closer to God and the other has been doing this for years. Others have been serving in ministry for a long time and realize they need some nourishment for themselves. Some have reached a crossroads, graduating college; career change; babies being born; children leaving home; all of these times can have us looking into our soul and wondering, “What is there for me in this time?”
You (the “directee”) have a desire for more. You desire more peace, more faith, more love, or more clarity in your daily life. There is a restlessness in your soul, and you seek out a director who will guide you in your desire to know God.
How does spiritual direction begin?
A director and new directee begin to get to know each other by talking about their spiritual lives and how they arrived at this present moment. And then the director will ask more about the spiritual practices of the directee;
Do you go to Mass and confession? How do you pray? Do you read the Bible? How often do you do these things? How do they help you in your life?
One important question is: what does your prayer life look like now? And it is best to be honest. Some folks come with a stack of books or a list of apps and websites they use daily to dig into scripture, pray the rosary, chaplet, and Liturgy of the Hours. They read three or four spiritual books at a time and go to bible study at their parish. They are always praying, they say.
And then I ask, very gently, “When are you quiet, when do you listen to God?” For many, it is the first time they have thought about this. And often, they do not spend any prayer time being still and quiet. Honestly, until I began praying with scripture many years ago, I did the same thing. I consumed books, prayed novenas, did all the bible studies, and rarely stopped to hear the voice of God. I prayed as an activity, a thing to do. In the spiritual life, less is more. I know, this can be difficult to believe and put into practice. But one of the first things I suggest (not direct) is to pare down the list of prayers, books, and apps and focus on scripture and listening.
Others come with a limited experience of any prayer outside of weekly Mass, grace before meals, and praying with their children at bedtime. Again, being still and listening to God does not happen. And while this person may think she is “failing” the steps to begin praying internationally are the same for both types of people.
When we constantly consume ideas about how to be holy we can forget to live out what we receive. We are so busy doing that we forget to be. In spiritual direction, I encourage people to pray to be still, to listen, and to be with God.
What is needed in spiritual direction?
- A Bible, a pen, and a journal are your tools. You can sit on a chair, under a tree, on the beach, or in a chapel to pray. The external surroundings are not what are most important. It is our internal disposition that helps us to enter fully into prayer. One of my directees has done her meditation in an airport waiting for a flight!
- A soul open to God. A willingness to put forth effort and allow God to do the same. A spiritual director helps you to form a reasonable plan for you in your current state of life and personal situation. Those things are also needed. That is your interior disposition.
- An interior disposition turned toward God and able to listen to the Holy Spirit.
We live in a very noisy and frenetic world. It seems as if all of life is moving faster and faster. It sometimes feels like a tilt-a-whirl ride that is so fast you cannot catch your breath. I do not believe God wants us to live this way. He says “Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10a). Jesus tells us, “Come to me, all who labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).The desire for a deeper prayer life to help people live their faith is what people often seek when they come to spiritual direction. When we take the time to focus on our spiritual lives, the benefits spill over into other areas of our lives. As we come to know God, and his word, we become more fully the person God created us to be in this world.
Reflect on how you can give your yes to prayer, to stillness, and to knowing God.
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