Taking the Next Step Forward

It’s difficult for me to comment specifically on the situation of your marriage, because I don’t know enough of the details and the background. It seems from your question, however, that you were not married in the Church. If that is the case, then I do think your petition to the Lord in prayer, and your hope, should be to move towards having your marriage sanctified by the Church. Right now, so it seems from your question, the main obstacle to that is your husband’s reluctance to look into the annulment process for his previous marriage. In my experience, many times people resist beginning the annulment process because they don’t really understand what an annulment is. For example, many people wrongly think of it as “a Catholic divorce”. Furthermore, the process is different for non-Catholics who have been baptized, and for non-Catholics who have not been baptized. So I would encourage you to continue speaking with your husband about this possibility. Instead of asking him to begin the formal process, for example, perhaps you could ask him if he would be willing to meet with a priest who is an expert in these things just to hear an explanation of what an annulment really is.

For now, if you are not married in the Church, you could receive the sacraments if you and your husband agreed to live together as brother and sister. This would show your willingness as a couple to follow the Lord’s teaching as you continue your journey together. Perhaps having a conversation with him about that possibility would show him how important this is for you. It could open some more doors on your path forward. If you want to read more about how the Church tries to help people in your situation, you may find it useful to read Archbishop Charles Chaput’s guidelines, which you can find here.

State of Grace?

Therefore, my recommendation is that you continue to do what you can to move forward on the path towards regularizing your marriage, continue seeking the Lord, and continue to invoke the Lord’s mercy, trusting that if you keep following Him, He will find a way: “Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you” (James 4:8).

Continue to Seek the Lord

In the meantime, know that the Lord loves you and is walking with you, that He understands what you are going through and will never abandon you: “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him” (John 3:17). He wants you and your husband to grow in his love even now, while your irregular situation persists. And you can do so by continuing to cultivate your friendship with Him. Even though you may not be able to receive the sacraments, you can still develop your prayer life, study the faith and dig into the Scriptures, participate in the Church’s liturgy, continue receiving spiritual communions with the hope of some day regularizing your marriage and being able to receive the Eucharist again, go to adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, serve your neighbor through the works of mercy, and even receive spiritual direction. You and your husband can even engage in some of these spiritual activities together – like watching a Retreat Guide together, or reading some of the meditations in The Better Part and discussing them together. There is so much you can do to exercise your love for God and neighbor! And God will work if you do what you can do, always trying to identify the next step you can take towards regularizing your marriage, even if that next step is simply praying for the Lord’s guidance about how to move forward.