What does holiness look like to you? Do you immediately envision a saint you admire in a statue or stained glass, eyes closed, hands folded, clearly at peace with God? Or maybe the saint is portrayed preaching to heretics or giving everything to the poor. When we look at examples of virtuous people, we may believe that sort of life is not possible for us.
But it is.
It is possible if we rely on God, remembering that “nothing will be impossible for God” (Luke 1:37), and one at a time, choose a virtue we want to grow in, making it a focal point of our daily life.
Types of Virtues
The Catechism of the Catholic Church discusses three main types of virtues: human, cardinal, and theological (CCC 1804, 1805, 1813).
Human virtues are the habits, traits, and behaviors that help us lead a moral life and choose good. The cardinal virtues are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. These four are the foundations around which other virtues are grouped. Faith, hope, and charity are given to us by God so we can act as his children. They are the foundation that informs and gives life to all moral virtues.
We need all of those virtues. They are the foundation and building blocks of living in Gid’s will and helping build up his kingdom on earth.
Sometimes, though, the virtues are difficult to want, to gain, and certainly to live out.
Where to Begin
To grow in virtue, begin with prayer. Specifically, an examination of conscience. What sins come up regularly? These may be the ones you confess far too often–or maybe are so disgusted by, you don’t confess them because you do not believe you can change.
For today, let us look at the sin of pride as an example, in the form of “I need to have it the way I want it to be at all times”. There are many reasons for this – you think your way is the best; it is the easiest for you to do; others are wrong or less informed; another way will not be to your exact satisfaction. This kind of pride reveals itself in anything from insisting on loading the dishwasher a certain way, to insisting on a particular route, a person takes to how they pray. This sin can be seen in harsh judgments of others, being overbearing, or even leaving a group.
What virtue is the opposite of pride? Humility, for sure. While humility is a tough place to start, we can begin by simply realizing that many things in life can be carried out differently than our preferred way.
How To Grow in Virtue
First, make a firm resolution to change. Make it tangible and concrete. How about: I will not tell other people what to do unless I am asked. I will keep my opinions to myself. I will not use being helpful as a way to attract attention to myself.
Second, put your resolution in front of you regularly. Use post-it notes, planners, or digital reminders or apps. You want to become more humble, but recognize that it will take time and effort–and a reliance on God’s grace.
Third, ask for grace. Each time you pray, before you read scripture, before Mass, at Adoration, whenever and however you are entering into a conversation with God, ask for the grace to live your resolution. Repeating it often will remind you of the transformation you desire. Asking God for grace reminds you that you cannot do this with him.
Finally, practice small mortifications to shift your focus from yourself to the virtue. When I am feeling very stuck in the “I need it my way” attitude, I simply use the silverware I dislike. After 40+ years of marriage, we no longer have all the pieces of our original set. And I really, really like it so much more than the replacement set. To the point that I will take an “original set fork” from the dishwasher and wash it to use it. I realize that in the grand plan of life, my fork choice is pretty insignificant. But it represents a need that extends to other areas that are significant. The fork is the reminder to let go, to not have my life carefully constructed around what makes me happy that I cannot see what is truly important.
Maybe you can use less sugar in your coffee or not play music while driving to work. When I was in high school and friends went on retreat, we put a penny in one of our shoes as a reminder to pray for them. Slightly uncomfortable–but a good sacrifice and an effective reminder! Again, these changes can-and usually should be – small and incremental. The enemy will often tempt us, using our desire to change against us by suggesting that we bite off more than we can chew. Then he uses our discouragement against us.
The key is to connect the mortification to your desired virtue.
Turn to God
Oftentimes, we fail to live virtuously because we are reacting too quickly. A text comes in the middle of an important task, and we fire off a quick reply that reflects our annoyance. The 10-item or less line is filled with people who clearly are over the limit, and you are rude to the cashier when it’s your turn. The homily is not to your liking, and you start complaining about it before you even leave your pew at the end of Mass.
Pause, take a breath. There are very few instances in life that require instantaneous responses. In that pause, in that breath, ask for grace, a word from the Holy Spirit, a holy response. Now, sometimes, you are in conversation, and the person in front of you is impatient for your response. Simply say, “I’m thinking, or give me a minute, or I want to say this carefully.” Or even more transparently, “I am asking God to guide me.”
Think about this: in many conversations today, when we are unsure of the answer, we might say, “Give me a minute, I’ll Google it.” Why not say “I’m checking in with God,” instead?
There is power in learning to be still, to be silent, to be less reactive. When you, as a person of faith, give space to others, you show respect for them as human beings. You let them know you are taking the conversation seriously. You are giving them the gifts of time and attention–and you are growing in virtue at the same time in the space between what happens and your reaction to it.
Other Virtues
It is not a good idea to try to grow in all the virtues at once. However, as you grow in one, others will grow too. And you will also notice more easily where growth is needed. Virtues do not exist in isolation from each other or our behaviors. There is much overlap when we are maturing in our spiritual life.
Here is a list of virtues you can use to help you discern what habits you would like to change.
Relying on God
Honesty
Gratitude
Consideration towards Others
Forgiveness
Patience
Friendship
Obedience
Courage
Perseverance
Compassion
Respect for self/others
Listening
Good Stewardship of money/time/resources
This is not an exhaustive list, but a place to begin thinking about how you can be a person of strong faith and moral virtue. The daily interactions of life shape and form us, slowly moving us in one direction or another. With God at our side, we have the ability to move toward him each day. The more we move toward him, the more we are able to bring him to others.
Recognizing the need to grow in virtue is not to say we are terrible people! It is simply to say we are human, and, in our humanity, we make mistakes. Some of these mistakes have become part of our personality and make us less than the person God created us to be.
Allow God to guide you to the virtues you need, and with him, pray and make the changes so that these virtues become your habits.
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