The stories others tell me about their life are more than opportunities to listen and learn.
They are a glimpse into their soul and how God is working in them.
I listened to a man tell me about his young daughter who died, and yet, he has peace, trusting that God is with him and his family.
A concerned wife tells of a husband who will not change a lifestyle causing him to have ill health, and she is trying to surrender control.
I hear from parents who mourn that their children, raised in the Catholic faith, have turned away from it. The future they expected and hoped for them is not what they now face.
What do we do when our life changes in ways we do not want or like? We may fight, rage, try to take control, bargain with God, become despondent, or give up. None of these helps us accept what has happened and move forward. Intellectually, we know that life does not always go according to plan. We are fallen creatures in a fallen world with many variables that we have no control over. Our life is in God’s hands.
We can be angry and frustrated and live our lives trying to control all the outcomes or we can learn how to live with changes we do not like or desire.
We Need God
I passionately believe the only way to learn to live with unexpected changes is to rely on God and his grace. In the Book of Wisdom we read, “Those who trust in him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with him in love: Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones, and his care is with the elect,” (3:9). Trust and surrender are closely related. When we trust, we surrender control to another person. The difficulty in trust and surrender is our very human tendency to worry.
Worry can sound like this, “Is God paying attention to me, to my problem when there are so many more important things happening in the world?” “How can I fix this problem?” “I deserve this.” “I’ll never have anything good.” “I will suffer and be miserable if that’s what God wants.”
Our faith tells us that God is with us in all ways, always. Unlike us, he can pay attention to more than one thing at a time. He holds the entire world and each one of us in his hands, giving us each breath we take and the strength and courage to move forward. But we have to give up worrying, and the false belief that God is not paying attention. We do this because we are afraid. We believe the lies that it is all up to us, that God helps those who help themselves. If I don’t, who will?
Open Our Hands
When we are anxious, afraid, or angry we may clench our hands into fists, wring our hands, or hold on tightly to something. We want to white-knuckle, buck up, or suffer our way through the situation.
Instead, we can lift our hands to God, opening them up to both let go of what is troubling us and receive what God has for us.
Instead of grasping, we can wait. Instead of holding on, we let ourselves be held.
We can allow God to come to us, to be with us, and to give us his grace.
We cannot receive what God has for us if we do not let go and surrender our plans.
Please know that I do not think this is quick and painless to do. It requires time and prayer. We resist, squirming the way a toddler does when she must take bad-tasting medicine. We plead our cause for no pain and tell God we have had enough. We yell and cry, shaking our fists.
And when we cease all of that, God holds us and comforts us. It is a process.
We Receive Peace
This receiving of God’s grace is about changing our attitude that says, “It is up to me,” to knowing it is up to God.
God wants to give us grace, will we accept it?
How do we know when we have it? When we have peace. Notice that it is not when the situation is resolved. It is when you have peace about the situation. Whatever problems you face, they are still there. Whatever work must be done, it is still there. But now, instead of facing them alone, you know God is present. The phrase, “with God’s grace” takes on new meaning as you approach life knowing God’s grace is within you, giving you what is needed to face what you must face.
When I was young and naïve in my faith, I believed that if God really cared and loved me, he would give me what I wanted and take away problems. I blamed him when things went wrong. Over time, that thinking shifted to thinking that if I did all the right things in the right way God would reward me by making my life less difficult. I knew I would suffer some, but overall, I thought, I love God, God loves me, and my life will reflect that. I was still looking for a transaction with God to keep trouble away. Thankfully, my faith has grown, and I know that God loving me and me loving him, living a life of faith and obedience, does not mean an easy life.
What it does mean is that because of God’s great grace, we can live in the freedom Christ won for us by his passion and death. “For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery, (Galatians 5:1). What are we enslaved to in this world? There are many possibilities: power, prestige, honor, money, possessions, control, self-righteousness, fear, worry, and whatever else we turn to before God.
We do not need to be slaves to anything or anyone. We are free.
How Do We Live in Freedom?
We live in freedom and surrender by living a holy life. Thankfully, the Church gives us what we need to live a holy life.
First of all, in the sacraments, especially Penance and Eucharist. Receive both often and rely on the graces received.
Second, prayer, both in community and alone. A consistent prayer life with both rote prayer and quiet, reading scripture, journaling, and practicing stillness so you can hear God.
Third, service to others, be it your own family or wider parish and community. Give what God has given to you to others.
Finally, sharing your financial treasure with those in need.
Suffering is part of our human condition. How we respond to that suffering is up to us. We can choose to suffer with God or without him. I have done it both ways. I have learned, as have the people who share their stories with me, that suffering with God is the better way.
_______________________________________________________________________
Image: Unsplash
