Read part of one this series on the Divine Indwelling here.
The realization of God’s indwelling in our soul is the fruit of grace. When a person discovers this truth, though it often will bring joy, peace, and clarity to a soul, it can also bring a sense, on a natural level, a bit of confusion and puzzlement. How can God really dwell within me, many people have asked? This is both a good and normal question, one that many saints and theologians have wrestled with as well. The truth about God’s indwelling in a soul is not something that appears natural or is even considered normal for the human mind, and it is easy to understand why.
We tend to have this natural inclination to believe, and we are even taught this from a young age, that somewhere “out there” exists the answers to all our problems. Somewhere “out there” exists the peace, fulfillment, and happiness that we are all longing for. As early as our teenage years, society instructs us, and even to some degree forces us, to begin considering our future; how we will live, what we will do with our life, and where we will go to complete all this.
Those blissful years of childhood where we could simply play and enjoy the present moment without any pressure slowly begin to come to an end. We must now consider a career path, future education, a vocation, a place to live, etc., all things that of course are important to consider, however, all these things also exist “out there,” away from ourselves. We are not complete, society seems to imply, until we choose and acquire these things for ourselves. Society (and even to some extent in the Church) rarely teaches people the priority of living an interior life, which is each person’s essential vocation and life’s purpose and the only place where they will truly find the peace, fulfillment, and happiness that everyone desires. The reason why an interior life must be a priority for each one of us is simple: God dwells within us!
Most people then begin by looking “out there” for peace, fulfillment, happiness, and even God. And to some extent, they find it, maybe in a religious community, a marriage, a job, a role that we have in life, or in some worldly accomplishment, etc. However, whatever we find “out there,” even what we find “out there” that is of God, is never enough. Our search for perfection through the things of this world, in some degree, always ends in vain, and therefore always ends up being incomplete and insufficient.
Many years ago, I was assisting on a weekend retreat for young adults in California. On Saturday morning, the retreat began with a testimony from a 30-year-old man, whom we will call Ryan. Ryan described himself as a nominal Catholic for most of his life. After he graduated college, he began working in Hollywood in the film industry. Most of his peers, after work, would go out to the bars or various parties until 1 or 2 o’clock in the morning. Wanting to fit in, but also looking for a good time, Ryan joined his peers and for several years after work, he would go out drinking with his friends and come home every night at 2 am, sleep until noon, go to work, and then repeat this whole process over again.
One morning, as usual, he woke up at noon and as soon as he opened his eyes, he said that he heard a voice within him speaking to him. The voice, he said, was so soft and so clear that he could not deny that someone was speaking to him. The voice said to him, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Not knowing his Bible, Ryan did not recognize that this voice was quoting one of the Psalms. Regardless, he sat up in his bed and attempted to do exactly what the voice told him to do, be still. He closed his eyes and after about 30 seconds of stillness he quickly got up from his bed, ran outside, and began to chain smoke for about half an hour.
After this incident Ryan continued his usual pattern of work, partying, and then sleeping the next day. Once again, as soon as he woke up, he heard the voice say the same thing to him: “Be still and know that I am God.” Once again Ryan was obedient to this voice, he sat up, closed his eyes, and attempted to be still. This time, however, he remained still for about one minute, and then like yesterday, he quickly got up from his bed, ran outside, and began to chain smoke for about half an hour.
At this point, you might be wondering, as I did while listening to him, what was happening to this young man? Ryan said that when he was still, for that moment, a minute or two at best, he became aware of a Presence that appeared to be within him. He said this presence was extremely peaceful, gentle, and loving, and since he was none of those things, he was quickly terrified and naturally panicked and ran away. Thankfully, after making these attempts at stillness each morning for many months, this presence enabled him to become more peaceful, gentle, and loving and therefore not run away as much and as readily as he once did. The more time he spent in this stillness with this mysterious presence, the more he began to realize how sad and miserable he was and that he needed to make some serious changes in his life.
Shortly after this, Ryan returned to Church and the sacraments and began reading about the saints, especially St. John of the Cross, and their teachings on prayer and the spiritual life. At the end of his talk, Ryan encouraged the other young adults to spend time each day in silence, attentive to God’s presence within them. He concluded by saying that his conversion back to Christianity was a slow and steady experience of the presence of God, which he said, did not come from “out there,” but from within.
Image: Unsplash
