When I Can Pray No More: A Movement of the Heart

by Anthony Lilles

When I am too tired to collect my thoughts, when there are too many failures to confess, a simple movement of the heart becomes my prayer. I ponder or try to remember the closeness of His promised Presence though I feel far from Him and feel Him not at all. Having fallen short of the mark yet again and weighed down by the day’s anxieties, holy fear forbids me to presume but commands me to rely on Divine Mercy. A wave of compunction wants to surface, but my mind is too sluggish to bear more than a feeble sigh.
Even as I suffer this void of devotion unaware, a more simple movement takes hold. Familiar with my weakness, the Lamb who has come into the world tenderly sighs in my sigh and patiently joins my pathetic offering to His magnificent sacrifice of praise. Without my knowing how the Good Shepherd is leading me out of self-occupation and into great silence – all He needs is a humble act of trust.
In the shadow of so great and so undeserved a gift, I struggle to lower my head and bend my knees, but not in vain: His prayer gently moves my prayer when I can pray no more.

Anthony Lilles

Anthony Lilles, STD, a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville, completed his graduate and post-graduate studies in Rome at the Angelicum. His expertise is in Saint Elisabeth of the Trinity and the Carmelite Doctors of the Church. He is currently a professor of spiritual theology at St Patrick’s Seminary and University in Menlo Park, CA. Previously he was a founding faculty member of St. John Vianney Theological Seminary, and afterwards an associate professor at St John’s Seminary for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. In 2012, Discerning Hearts published his book "Hidden Mountain, Secret Garden: A Theological Contemplation on Prayer,". Through Emmaus Press, he and Dan Burke wrote "30 Days with Teresa of Avila"and Living the Mystery of Merciful Love: 30 Days with Therese of Lisieux. . And, his book "Fire from Above" was published in 2016 by Sophia Institute Press. Prof. Lilles assisted Dan Burke in founding the Avila Institute and the High Calling Program for priestly vocations. He podcasts at www.discerninghearts.com, offers retreats to religious communities, gives spiritual conferences and lectures on the Catholic Spiritual Tradition.

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