When I Can Pray No More: A Movement of the Heart

by Anthony Lilles

When I am too tired to collect my thoughts, when there are too many failures to confess, a simple movement of the heart becomes my prayer. I ponder or try to remember the closeness of His promised Presence though I feel far from Him and feel Him not at all. Having fallen short of the mark yet again and weighed down by the day’s anxieties, holy fear forbids me to presume but commands me to rely on Divine Mercy. A wave of compunction wants to surface, but my mind is too sluggish to bear more than a feeble sigh.
Even as I suffer this void of devotion unaware, a more simple movement takes hold. Familiar with my weakness, the Lamb who has come into the world tenderly sighs in my sigh and patiently joins my pathetic offering to His magnificent sacrifice of praise. Without my knowing how the Good Shepherd is leading me out of self-occupation and into great silence – all He needs is a humble act of trust.
In the shadow of so great and so undeserved a gift, I struggle to lower my head and bend my knees, but not in vain: His prayer gently moves my prayer when I can pray no more.

Anthony Lilles

Anthony Lilles, STD, has taught graduate level theology and assisted in clergy formation since 1994, having served at St. Thomas Aquinas Seminary in Denver, St. John Vianney Theological Seminary in Denver, and St. John’s Seminary in Camarillo prior to joining the faculty of St. Patrick’s Seminary. With a BA in theology from Franciscan University of Steubenville, as well as an ecclesiastical licentiate and doctorate in spiritual theology from the Pontifical University of Saint Thomas Aquinas in Rome (the Angelicum), he is specialized in St. Elisabeth of the Trinity and the Carmelite Doctors of the Church. He co-founded the Avila Institute for Spiritual Formation and the High Calling Program for priestly vocations. He also founded and serves as president for the John Paul II Center for Contemplative Culture. In 2014 at St. Patrick's Seminary, he helped start and teach an annual summer spirituality program. He was appointed Academic Dean from 2019-2022 before joining the full-time teaching and formation faculties.

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