I have a question: Why is it that during Lent I am so melancholy – and I don’t seem to be getting [out] of it [like I were under attack] until Easter morning. It happens every year as long as I can remember – I am now 80. It would be boasting to say that I partake in my Lord’s suffering … so what is it?
You are not alone. This is not so uncommon a phenomenon as you may think. Not knowing you personally, I can’t make any specific observations, but maybe some general thoughts could be helpful.
A Penitential Season
Lent is a penitential season. We are asked by the Church to pay special attention during those weeks to our need for God’s mercy and grace. We are called to become particularly aware of our brokenness and of God’s generous response to our sins and rebellions. Contemplating these realities can stir up a true and healthy sadness, the kind of sadness that leads to conversion and humility. St Paul calls this “godly sorrow”:
“For godly sorrow produces a salutary repentance without regret,
but worldly sorrow produces death” (2 Cor 7:10).
Blessed Are Those Who Mourn
Many spiritual writers comment that the beatitude about mourning is linked to this kind of healthy sadness:
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”
(Mt 5:4).
In other words, the fallen condition of this world, the spread of sin and the wounds caused by sin, the persistence of evil and suffering – these realities are part of our earthly pilgrimage, and they stir up sadness. In a certain sense, Lent is the liturgical season when we are given explicit “permission” to feel 
this sadness and to integrate it into our relationship with Christ, bathing it with prayer as we look forward to celebrating the redemption, by which Christ conquered sin and evil and death through his Paschal Mystery.
It may be that the Holy Spirit has been nudging you, through the years, to participate deeply in this rhythm of the liturgical seasons. If so, I would say there is no need to worry at all. Accept what you feel, bring it to prayer, and let the Lord guide you.
Unworthy?
“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” – James 4:8
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Art for this post on Lenten melancholy versus Easter joy: Figura de una mujer de pueblo (Figure of town woman), Pedro Lira, 12 December 1910, PD-US author’s life plus 100 years or less, Wikimedia Commons.
