Emotional Deprivation Disorder, originally labelled Deprivation Neurosis, is a syndrome discovered, named, and treated by Dutch Psychiatrists Drs. Anna Terruwe and Conrad Baars. In their work with patients suffering from neurotic disorders and stunted emotional lives, they discovered that some did not respond to treatments for repression which in most other cases were extremely effective. They realized that such developmental disturbance was less the result of something which was repressed but rather something which had never been received from their caregivers, namely, the affirmation of one’s innermost being and the assurance that they are cared for. “Since this syndrome results from the frustration or deprivation of the natural sensitive need for affirmation in the infant, baby, or growing child by the mother, father, or both, we have given it the name frustration or deprivation neurosis [emotional deprivation disorder].”
Over decades of work and research, Drs. Terruwe and Baars were able to successfully treat thousands of patients, many of them priests and religious, and in the process develop deep insight into the innate needs of the human person and a way to heal the individual when those needs went unmet at crucial developmental periods.
Their work not only has great potential in the field of psychology, but offers tremendous value to those in the area of accompaniment, mentorship, and spiritual direction. As shown and taught by the experience of the Sisters of Life, the healing power of affirmation—to be truly received by another and loved for the sake of one’s innate goodness—has the potential to transform souls and thus renew the Church and the world.
History
Dr. Conrad Baars was born in 1919 in the Netherlands, the second of six children in a well-to-do and influential Catholic family. He studied at Oxford and there he was introduced to the works of St. Thomas Aquinas, and later enrolled in medical school. When the Nazis raided the school, he escaped and joined the resistance, but eventually was captured and sent to Buchenwald Concentration Camp, where he passed himself off as a doctor until the liberation by the United States army. This experience, and the opportunity to observe human nature under the most traumatic and severe conditions, proved to be pivotal to his own life, philosophy, and later work. “He came to realize that not only political freedom, but also interior, spiritual freedom is needed for human dignity. The faith he had received as a child matured under the trials of prison.”
Baars emigrated to the United States after the war and became a psychiatrist. Frustrated by the fact that the methods he had been taught in medical school did not seem to help many of his patients, “he became convinced that the accepted psychiatric theories and therapy were inadequate, and his quest for a deeper understanding of human nature led him to Thomistic Psychology and the work of Dr. Anna Terruwe.” Dr. Terruwe was a Dutch psychiatrist whose work focused “on the relevance of Thomistic rational psychology to neurosis and its treatment.” Together, they developed a practice of psychology firmly rooted in the Christian anthropology that man is created in God’s image. To be whole, to be fully affirmed, is to return to that image even when sin, original or actual, has distorted and disfigured it.
One of their foundational discoveries they called Emotional Deprivation Disorder, an illness brought about due to a severe frustration of the child’s needs for affirmation, leading to a stunted emotional growth. This disorder develops “in a young individual with an innately healthy and normal predisposition as the result of early exposure to mistaken notions and shortcomings on the part of parents and educators. The causative factors are twofold: First, a faulty attitude toward the significance of the entire emotional life for the overall well-being of the child, adolescent and adult; and Second, failure to affirm the growing child.”
This discovery and the antidote, true affirmation of the human person, revolutionized the practice of Dr. Baars. It had a tremendous positive effect on his patients: “From the beginning I saw Dr. Terruwe’s ideas succeed as I put them to the test. Where before it was unusual to cure someone, now it became unusual not to cure the patients.” Desirous of sharing his findings with the world, he published of several books, some with Dr. Terruwe and on his own, and had a successful lecturing and speaking career.
Symptoms
According to Drs. Baars and Terruwe, persons with Emotional Deprivation Disorder manifest certain symptoms due to their emotional immaturity. First, they have great difficult establishing any true emotional rapport with others. As would a child, they need others always to orient themselves to them and adjust to their feelings. When this fails to happen, as it will inevitably in any relationship, the person feels the more emotionally mature person to be lacking in love. This results in feeling of isolation or a Herculean effort at maintaining relationships simply by force of the will. Healthy, authentic adult friendships are impossible. “It is not surprising that these individuals say they feel lonely, although not all of them experience this loneliness as a want. Some, in fact, consider it a measure of perfection that they do not need anybody, that they are not bound to any person, and that they are sufficient unto themselves!” This can and often does have disastrous consequences for marriages, children, and careers such as ministry or teaching where healthy human relationships are necessary.
Secondly, individuals with Emotional Deprivation Disorder exhibit deep feelings of uncertainty and insecurity. They hesitate and have difficulty making decisions. Physically and intellectually adults, “their childish emotional attitude makes them unfit for the adult life they have to lead.” They are oversensitive, constantly looking for approval, and easily hurt. They desire to please others, but only to protect themselves from criticism or from the feeling that they are a nuisance. At times, the feelings of uncertainty find relief in hoarding behaviors. “Everything they possess, no matter how small and insignificant, represents a certain security because it belongs to them.”
Finally, feelings of inadequacy characterize those suffering from Emotional Deprivation Disorder. Drs. Baars and Terruwe observed that particularly in women, there seemed to be a “feeling that nobody loved them and nobody could possibly love them. The fact that they did not receive love when they were young is later interpreted by them to mean that they are not worth loving.” Seeking love and attention—in perhaps inappropriate ways—may at times bring about feelings of guilt which can bring about aggression or depression.
Treatment and the Antidote
The antidote for one suffering from Emotional Deprivation Disorder is a healthy dose of affirmation. The clinical experience of Baars and Terruwe revealed that a patient could make significant emotional progress by receiving as an adult what they missed as a child. “People who have not been affirmed benefit greatly when significant others understand their condition and are themselves mature enough to come to their assistance and refrain from criticizing and denying them.”
It must be noted that the affirmation prescribed by these doctors “is much more complex than it seems at first glance. It is not something a person does to another. Rather it is a state of being, of being aware and moved by the goodness of another being…Authentic affirmation is never a technique aimed at changing the will or conditioning the mind, it is a way of being present to another individual with the full attention of one’s whole being, allowing natural growth and development to take place in that individual.” “It focuses on the very being of the other, on his or her goodness as a unique human being. It presupposes openness, confident expectation and uninterrupted attention to everything that happens in the other, to all the person is not able to express, and to all the anticipated good within the other, even though the other is still unsuspecting of that future good.”
Conrad Baars writes,
“It is in this process of affirmation, this process of knowing and feeling, without doing, that I give the other to himself. I do not give him his psychic existence as a human being. I give him his psychic existence as this specific human being…
“The affirming process can be compared in a certain sense, to the effect water has on an object immersed in it. The water surrounds it perfectly and adjusts itself faithfully to the exact contours of the object without destroying it. It allows the object, if a living one, like fish, coral, or plant, to grow and develop without hindrance by adjusting to its own weight, in relation to it. The water cushions with its mass and density any shocks or blows it might receive thus protects the object. The tiny baby in the water bag of the pregnant mother is an excellent example. Finally, the water may hide from view any defects the object may possess.”
A woman, a former nun and art teacher who had experienced rejection from her mother and suffered from feelings of inadequacy, irritability, depression, boredom, thoughts of suicide and constant fatigue, describes how the affirmative therapy of Drs. Baars and Terruwe changed her life:
“There is no doubt in my mind that I would have eventually ended up in one of the congregation’s institutions for the mentally ill. I feel that I can never really describe to anyone the agony of my life up to the point of beginning therapy. I have gone to hell and back again. But since then I have experienced what heaven must be too, and this experience for me is simply the thrilling awareness of closeness to another human being, any one of my friends, whom I know in the innermost depths of personal emotion, who accepts and loves me exactly the way I am, and delights in the fact of my existence as much as he is aware of my delight in his.
“Although my therapist was not the first person in my life whom I felt loved me, the relationship was the most meaningful and significant personal experience of my life. I felt I could say or be anything I wished, realizing more deeply each day, that for the first time in my whole life someone understood me, accepted me, and loved me very much just the way I was!”
Successful Treatment of Priests
Doctors Terruwe and Baars, both devout Catholics, worked during their careers not only with religious, but with large numbers of priests as well. In the course of his career, Dr. Baars served as a consultant for a treatment center for alcoholic clergy and in 1973 founded the first House of Affirmation for treating unaffirmed priest and religious. Although he resigned soon after due to a conflict with the director, he continued to work intensely with many clergy and consecrated women and men. In his book, I Will Give Them a New Heart: Reflections on the Priesthood and the Renewal of the Church, Conrad Baars estimated that “10-15% of all priests in Western Europe and North America are mature; 20-25% have serious psychiatric difficulties, especially in the form of neurotic disorders and chronic alcoholism, or a combination of both; and 60-70% suffer from a degree of emotional immaturity which does not prevent them from exercising their priestly function but precludes their being happy men and effective priests whose fundamental role is to bring people the joy of Christ’s love and to bethe appointed affirmers of all.” (Emphasis mine.)
There appears to be a reason for this. Dr. Baars found that Emotional Deprivation Disorder “often operates in what has been called the “typical good Catholic home,” the primary source of religious vocations, the home in which the parents provide strict moral upbringing but without sufficient affection and emotional love.” The result? Priests who “were uncertain in their attitude towards life, felt unloved, lonely and depressed, and whether they realized it or not, awkward in their interpersonal relationships. Psychosexual immaturity expressed in hetero- or homosexual activity was often encountered. Many experienced difficulties in matters of faith, or suffered from severe scrupulosity, while a growing number of them seriously considered leaving the priesthood.” Dr. Baars determined that almost everyone was suffering some degree of Emotional Deprivation Disorder, but reports that many responded positively to his therapy and were able to grow emotionally and acquire “a feeling of personal worth and dignity, and become more sure of themselves in their interpersonal relationships. Their sexual problems gradually disappeared without analytic scrutiny. Their faith and religious sentiments also benefited from their growing emotional maturity, and in the course of a few years, they became happy priests capable of bringing joy and happiness to those entrusted to their pastoral care.”
The Successful Adoption of Affirmation Therapy in the work of the Sisters of Life
Before entering the Sisters of Life, Mother Agnes, the Superior General, was a Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. To this day, the formators of the Sisters of Life use the work of Conrad Baars in the nuns’ formation and preparation for their apostolate to women at risk of abortion, especially his work, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation. What he calls a ‘miracle’, they call a ‘secret’, as revealed in a talk given by Sister Mary Elizabeth, S.V., of the Sisters of Life:
“I am going to share with you our secret. This is something that we have discovered in our work with pregnant women. I am sharing it with you tonight because this can change your life. It can be applied to both men and women, in how you approach every relationship you have: in your marriage, especially with your children, with siblings and friends. It is a very simple concept but we have experienced it to be revolutionary.
“We call it delighting in the other. True, authentic human love begins by being moved from within by another’s goodness. It is not something that I do, but something that happens to me.
“When a woman comes to us we there is an eagerness in my heart that says, “I want to know something more about her.” Interiorly I open my heart to be moved; to be touched by her beauty, by her goodness, her strength, or by her fragility or vulnerability. Who knows what I am moved by – but it is something uniquely in her, that special something in her.
“As I manifest my delight, this reveals to the other her own goodness. My response of love becomes a revelation of her goodness. I become for her a mirror of who she really is in herself. And her experience is one of being confirmed in her own worth. This is the emotional food that we all long for, that nourishes our hearts and allows us to grow as a human person. Let’s take a minute – Think of a time when you have experienced this. When someone really believed in you. It may have been a coach, a teacher and parent – think about what that felt like – at those moments you can almost feel yourself growing, becoming more than you thought you could be. It awakens hope.
“Delighting in her is loving her, not because I am going to save her baby, but simply because I am given this gift of her. I don’t have a program or an agenda; I don’t have a script for this encounter; I am going to see who this person is that God has given me, and allow the nurturing affection to flow out of me. To be expressed naturally; letting it show in my eyes, my tone of voice, my posture, my facial expression.”
Sister Marie Veritas, SV, in “Letting Her Live from Her Heart,” explains that this “secret” can be done in four steps.
First, Listen: “Often, everyone else is telling her what to do, but no one is listening. So first, listen. Listen to her story, her experiences, her fears, hopes, worries, and desires.
Second, Notice: She is good. She is a daughter of God, made in His image and likeness, unique and unrepeatable. Let yourself be honestly, spontaneously moved by her goodness.
Third, Reflect: As you listen, reflect back to her what you are seeing and hearing: what she is saying, yes, but also her own beauty and goodness. She is not “a project” or someone to “do good” to in her time of need. After all, each of us needs to experience genuine love, someone delighting in me for me, not for anything I’ve done or haven’t done, not for my education, not for my looks or gifts, but for me. A woman who knows that is is lovable and loved can do anything.
Finally, Connect: We are not meant to be alone. She needs a friend who will put faith in her and who will commit to walking with her in overcoming the obstacles, interiorly and exteriorly. This allows a woman to be able to choose her own flourishing, for herself and for her child. It’s what opens her up to living from her heart.”
Application to Spiritual Direction
The affirmative therapy of Drs. Baars and Terruwe can be applied to the practice of spiritual direction as well as therapy. One of the distinguishing features of this kind of therapy is that rather than being simply a technique, it is a way of being with another—fully present, fully attuned, and fully affirming of the innate goodness of the other. This can be done by anyone, and certainly by a spiritual director.
Affirmative therapy is not, however, simply the unconditional positive regard of Rogerian practice. It seeks to bring about the ‘second birth’ of the individual, the birth of the emotional life, in order to allow for the full maturing and flourishing of the human person. In the true tradition of Thomistic philosophy, this means that the newly-awakened and reclaimed emotional life can then, with the assistance of the spiritual direction, be brought under the healthy control of the reason and will—subjected to what is true, right, moral, and good. The right ordering of the faculties of the soul results in authentic interior freedom and the ability to fly to God unhindered by the wounds of original sin or personal sin.
For a director engaged in the formation of a soul even somewhat stunted emotionally by a lack of original affirmation and familial love, the insights of Conrad Baars and Anna Terruwe into the psyche and into the soul can be invaluable tools in healing and inviting a directee into embracing the wholeness God intends for each one of His children.
And certainly, for each individual, the power of affirmation when used intentionally within the marriage, family unit, parish, workplace, and in any sphere of influence, has the power to awaken and integrate in all people what is good, God-given, and a necessary part of being human: the emotional life. Not something to be suppressed, denied, or rejected, it must be born within one, and sometimes, reborn, by the genuine, unconditional love of another. Only then can man be fully human and fully alive. “I came that they might have life, and have it to the full.” (Jn 10:)
“Our Savior became man at the Incarnation and entered into His Paschal Mystery of dying and rising in order to become the first human affirmer, that He might reveal to us that our unique individual goodness, imperfect since the sin of Adam, can be transformed, restored, and healed by our mutual affirmation, rather than by training aimed at the suppression of what we have falsely believed to be the evil of our ‘lower nature.’ Jesus became one with us in order ‘that the Father might see and love in us what He sees and loves in Christ.’ (Eucharistic Preface)”
