While taking a walk on a sunny September day and basking in the familiar warmth of the southern sun, the first crimson leaf of autumn drifted by directly in my path, reminding me how things always change and never stay the same. Later, contemplating that solitary sign from the heavens signaling the changing of seasons, I noticed the walk I had taken had actually been on the first day of fall on the calendar. I realized, a bit wistfully, that the days of pumpkins, hot apple cider, and hayrides, and the anticipation of the hustle and bustle of the holidays were upon us. Fall is a wonderfully festive time of year — the sights, sounds, and scents of this season are brisk and delightful, becoming even more pleasant as the temperatures begin to drop. That day, however, I felt a certain sadness about its approach and the impending “farewell” to be said to the warmth and comfort of summer.
Transformation occurs not only in the climate — from warm and muggy to brisk and dry when barren winter teases its inevitable icy entrance, for example. Like the seasons, our lives are constantly changing and evolving. It is easy to become comfortable or complacent with the status quo, but experience teaches us to prepare for the unexpected and to learn to adapt to the wrenches that life tends to throw into our plans.
Not only do the seasons and circumstances of life change, but people do as well. We grow and evolve physically, mentally, and spiritually for better or worse, depending on our habits, choices, and circumstances. The people we surround ourselves with and encounter from day to day are also subject to these changes. St. Teresa of Avila advises us not to cling too tightly to other people, since the human heart is fickle and temperamental. “No true rest can be found in creatures,” (Interior Castle, 85) she tells her nuns. She advises us instead to put all our trust in God, who is constant and immutable.
A Life of Conversion
In matters of faith, inner transformation is commonly referred to as “conversion.” As the famed 16th-century foundress and reformer of Carmel, St. Teresa’s life and works proclaim her robust and committed belief in the importance of continual interior conversion. This conversion is a grace bestowed by God, and according to the Carmelite tradition, we experience it through prayer and friendship with Him. Not only did St. Teresa emphasize personal conversion in the convents she founded, but she also used her gifts and talents to bring about change within the Carmelite order and throughout the Church. In the spirit of Elijah, the prophet who inspired the first hermits on Mt. Carmel, she zealously led the reform of the Order and, with her writings, greatly influenced the Church’s teachings on prayer and the spiritual life.
The Miracle of the Butterfly
Fr. Daniel Chowning, OCD, says that conversion and transformation in Christ are the primary purpose and objective of the spiritual life. In the Interior Castle, St. Teresa likens this transformation of the soul to the spinning of a cocoon by a silkworm. This stage of the humble silkworm’s life begins its hidden and gradual metamorphosis into a stunning white butterfly. It is one of the most strikingly miraculous natural processes of God’s creation. Becoming dead to the world within its dark, silken tomb, the unsightly and earthbound caterpillar emerges in exquisite glory, bearing wings that lift it above the earth and gently transport it across the flowering fields for all to behold.
In dying to self through penance, prayer, mortifications, obedience, and good works, St. Teresa says we, like the silkworm, gradually become butterflies, receiving peace, strength, and even the grace to accept and embrace our suffering for Jesus. “How beautiful is the soul after having been immersed in God’s grandeur and closely united to Him but for a short time!” she says. (IC, 84) As a butterfly, the soul becomes free from inordinate desires and distractions and allows God’s resplendence to radiate through it to others.
Conversion is a Process
When we think of renowned saints like Teresa, we often place them on an untouchable pedestal, believing they were born exuding extraordinary holiness and that their lives were pictures of flawless perfection. In her writings, St Teresa makes it clear that, in her experience, the opposite is true. She describes in The Book of Her Life a long period of worldliness and lukewarmness in prayer during which she felt conflicted and her soul restlessly divided between external attachments and devotion to God.
We learn from Teresa’s life that conversion is not a one-time event but must be continual and ongoing. In 1554, at the age of 39, she entered an oratory and shed copious tears while praying before a statue of Christ at the pillar, wounded and bleeding from the scourging. That pivotal moment, along with a reading of The Confessions of St. Augustine and her inability to find adequate spiritual direction, caused a radical change in her soul. As she rose from prayer before the image, she was a different woman. Driven to her knees as we all are at times, she had finally received the grace to surrender her will completely to God and allow Him to work a more sincere and profound conversion in her heart.
When we are able to surrender to God more fully and experience a deepening of our faith, we may retain faults and attachments, as was the case for St. Teresa. After her conversion in 1554, she continued the work of learning to detach and allowing God to purify her, as we must do as well.
This work does not usually happen overnight and requires patience, perseverance, and a consistent routine of prayer, which St. Teresa famously described as simply “an intimate sharing between friends…taking time to frequently be alone with the One whom we know loves us.” (Life, 8.5) Fr. Chowning advises on several practices that will help us remain disposed to God’s grace of conversion. There are several key words we can remember to remind ourselves of this process: We should prayerfully give to Jesus the relationships and areas of our lives where we need healing, remain with Jesus, trust Him, offer Him our sufferings, and surrender to His healing power.
God’s Work; Our Cooperation
The work of conversion is not a solitary endeavor; we need spiritual support from praying friends to experience healthy growth in holiness. Spiritual direction is also important to help us on our journey of faith. Prayer, spiritual reading, and holy conversation are other ways that help us grow spiritually.
The important thing to remember is that we cannot do it ourselves. Like the transformation of the silkworm into the butterfly, conversion is a process that is in God’s hands and takes place by means of His action and grace. Our cooperation with this grace through friendship with Christ and growing in virtue is necessary; however, we ultimately depend on Him to effect the change and transform us into His image and likeness.
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Image: Unsplash
