I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6
My daily prayer rule begins very early each morning, well before sunrise. I often stumble up the stairs to the chapel, resisting the pull back to bed. I light the candles, sit, and begin. For many months, my heart was drawn to the chapel so strongly that there was no thought of hitting the snooze alarm or allowing myself to be distracted. God had placed within me a desire for Him that was so consuming, I had no thoughts of anything but sitting in silence with Him.
But that magnetism eventually waned, the mornings of powerful consolations halted, and I found myself sitting in the dark chapel—morning after morning—just waiting. Waiting for God to speak to my heart again. Some mornings I am tempted to be discouraged, as the memories of consolations fade and I begin to question the God for Whom I wait.
One such morning, I looked out the east-facing chapel window into the pitch blackness and Psalm 130 came to mind. “My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for morning.” I closed my eyes, calmed my heart, and began to consider the heart of the watchmen in the times of King David.
The watchmen were patient in the darkness. They awaited the sunrise each day with expectant hope, yearning for the rising of the sun. With no clocks or watches, they endured the long hours of darkness in patience and trust. They were keenly aware of the vulnerability of the night, and were vigilant and prepared for enemy attack. Watchmen could not be distracted, nor could they sleep. They waited and they watched, through long hours when nothing seemed to be happening. How their bodies, minds, and souls must have grown weary and tired, yearning for daybreak.
Yes Lord, fill me with the hope and patience of a watchman.
In this age, patience has become a virtue often left unexercised. I have little need for it due to the conveniences and instant gratifications built into the rhythm of my life. While modern technology and the fast-paced movement of the culture isn’t necessarily bad in itself, it has handicapped my ability to sit and wait in peace. And this waiting is a necessary disposition of a heart that seeks union with God. Patience and perseverance must be practiced and cultivated, and I cannot allow myself to be discouraged by it.
To begin to wait well like the watchman, I must first recognize an important truth about why I am waiting, and Who I am waiting for. When prayer is dry and distracted, God is not withholding Himself from me. He is present but hidden, giving me the grace I need to persevere in those moments. He is allowing me to learn how to love Him for His own sake—not for the sake of consolation. He is strengthening my faith and deepening my hope.
And what could be more valuable, more desirable, more worth waiting for, than communion with God? Deeper communion with God requires my heart to be increasingly freed from every attachment, and so this process of purification is painfully necessary. My reluctance to wait for God is the surest sign of my need to wait for Him. As He simply reminded St. Catherine of Siena, I must remember that He is God and I am not, and the times of darkness and waiting are the exact prescription for my ever-ailing soul. The Divine Physician knows me intimately, wounds and weaknesses and all, and loves me enough to purify me of what prevents union with Him.
Instead of discouragement and impatience in the waiting, my heart must be filled with expectant hope. I must lean into His Word and draw strength from His promise. The Psalms have proven time and time again to bolster my spirit and lift my mind to heavenly things when facing darkness or desolation. In the letter to the Romans we are encouraged to remember that “…endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us…” (Romans 5:4-5)
The watchmen endured the long and dark nights because they had a certain hope for morning. May my heart learn to wait with the hope of the watchmen, surrendering to His hidden work in the darkness as I await His rising light.
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Image courtesy of Unsplash.
This post was originally published on Notes From the Garden of the Soul and is reprinted here with permission.
